Recommitment

So... it has been way too long since I've posted on this thing. With a very small sense of self-motivation and a semi-embarrassing/mostly-convicting shout-out during yesterday's sermon (Thank you Joanne JDSN) I have decided to try to reignite my passion for God by using this as a tool. I feel that when I make a commitment to blogging that somehow, in some unexplainable way, I am really blessed from it. I also enjoy hearing from others that are blessed by my entries and ranting and whatnot, not really knowing whether or not people still check this. So with that mindset, this is mostly for me.

Anywho, yesterday I heard a very convicting sermon about maturing. Looking back on my past couple months, I can say with confidence that I've been nowhere close to mature, but that it's not too late to turn the tables. I decided yesterday I was going to stop making excuses for not reading the Bible, for not praying, and for living a life that doesn't glorify God. And I can SAY all these things and FEEL like I'm changed or going to change, but nothing proves change like some good ol' fashioned actions to back it up.

Luckily, I had a chance to serve a friend of mine today and put my words to the test. I had gotten out of my last class unusually early, and was heading home quite delighted. On the way I saw a car that was stopped in the middle of the road, and thought to myself, "That's unfortunate..". Lo and behold, it was Julia! So I texted her and she called me and asked for help, so I turned around and, with the help of some firemen, pushed her car into the nearby gas station. She was really grateful that I had been there, and I was really grateful that God had spoonfed me this opportunity to serve someone and worship Him.

So my day went on. Went to work, went to tutor afterwards, and then came home.

Then came the difficult task of committing to reading and praying. Tired but still motivated just enough, I opened up to Matthew 4, where Jesus is tempted by Satan. Now I've read these verses many times, and I was thinking to myself "what more can I get out of this passage?" but once again God spoke even in my doubting/disbelief.

I read about Jesus being tempted, and think about myself being tempted, and realize that Jesus is much better at resisting than I am. So I asked myself, besides being the Son of God, what does Jesus have that I don't? And it is very clear what Jesus uses as a mechanism of defense against temptations.

THE WORD. DUH.

As Jesus is pulling out verse after verse, I try to pull up a verse too and think to myself "there is a verse that kinda relates to what he is doing, something in Psalm, like.. Psalm 19:1 or something like that." Turns out, I was close, but further proves my need to read the word.

Psalm 119:11
"I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."

So after my extensive and quite word-barfish post, I am deciding to make that my prayer. God, your word is good. Thank you for such life bearing truth. God, may your word TRULY be a lamp unto my feet when I'm in the dark places, being tempted into doing dark things. I pray that I will have a new commitment to reading and praying and just knowing you so that I can stand against this world and be passionate and on fire to spread your love. Help me to have your word DEEP in my heart, and above all other things. Help me to understand your jealous love for me, and may your passion for me ignite a passion inside of me to love you no matter what. I pray that I will start to mature and discipline so that I can stop being a little boy and finally be a man, one that is rooted in Christ. I pray that you will also ignite my prayer life, that I will just pray for anything and anyone. Help me to truly believe that your name brings life more than the air I breathe.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Discipline

I really feel like it is time for me to prioritize. I have claimed that my theme for this year is discipline, but I feel like I need to step it up a notch and take that to the next level.

Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Struggle

Here I am again. Depressed. Alone. Feeling dejected. Viewing myself as nothing but a failure. Always lacking the will to do better than yesterday, the day before, and the countless mistakes that I have fallen victim too never seem to teach me anything.

I come back to the same sins. Come back to the same failures. Same stupid prayers. The same halfhearted repentance. Not knowing whether my repentance is enough, whether it will last until morning.

I always have the same song in my heart. Psalm 51. Create in me a clean heart. Restore in me the joy of your salvation. Every damn time.

Always here waiting for some new revelation. Feeling that somehow, some way, this time will be different. This time I will learn from my fall. This time I will rise beyond it.

But no, it's only a matter of time. I am still human. I try to tell myself that He is bigger than me. That his victory is greater than my fall. It is, no doubt. But time takes its toll on me, and eventually I forget anything that might have been realized at the time, and I wake up with a terrible hangover in a large ditch wondering how the hell I dug myself back in.

Also wondering what in the world would make Him love me.

I figure that one day I will remember. One day it will be so deeply engraved in my mind that I cannot forget. I just hope that this day that I have been waiting on is today.

Please forgive me for turning away again. For giving in to the destructive voices, against your exact commands. For forgetting the promises and the cautions that were spoken to me just hours ago. For cheapening your grace in my life.

Please forgive me.

Relationship

This is going to be brief, but things started clicking in my head during my QT that I wanted to blog/rant about, so please bear with me. I realize so many non-believers and atheists bag on Christianity as a religion, and many believers also call it their religion too. But this is such a huge mistake.

Jesus came down to earth.
God made himself human.
Jesus was susceptible to temptations i.e. forty days in the wilderness.
Why doesn't this click with people? He could have just stayed up in Heaven, made a big glorious scene where the Heavens open up and God's voice booms all across the land that if we believe in Jesus, who briefly waves his godly hand at us, that we shall be saved from our sins. That is an amazing act of mercy and grace from God as it is.

But God went even further.
OH NO HE DIDN'T!
Oh yes He did.

God sent his son Jesus DOWN from Heaven to earth as a HUMAN BEING to live amongst us. Jesus lived as a human, with humans, and therefore is able to relate with us.

Time for a brief commercial break.

relate - e + ionship = relationship

Back to your scheduled program.

Could it be possible that Jesus came down and struggled with the temptations and other junk we deal with everyday, including death, and then conquer it while being a human being? It's the truth! Call me crazy, but I do believe that now we can relate to Jesus because he endured and conquered the same temptations we do in our everyday life. I think that because of this we should have a relationship with Jesus!

I feel like this should be one of the most basic things taught at Sunday School or by evangelists, because it seems that the rest of the world just doesn't get it, but it is the most essential thing. Jesus said that He is the way, the truth, and the life, but we want to call this a religion instead of a relationship? That's baloney. We need to get it straight people.

I don't wanna be scared, I wanna be prepared

Another earthquake today. 6.9 in China. I used to be deadly afraid of earthquakes, sometimes so scared to go to sleep afraid that I would never wake up. That fear went away for a while until tonight. When I found out I muttered "the end times are coming" and didn't really think about it until I got home. After spending some time doing my QT and I prayed my prayer was that I don't want to be scared, but I want to be prepared if it comes. If an earthquake strikes. If Jesus comes. There is a mixture of selfish ambitions/wants and doubt in God that continues to feed this fear. The tiny thought that maybe there is no God, maybe these atheist people are right; that scares me down to the core. But any other time than now it is hard for me to believe that everything was created just by chance, not by a divine being with a sense of grand direction and purpose. I suppose I tend to overthink in that category.

But let's say an earthquake hit socal, and I died and was standing in Heaven waiting to be judged. I can't confidently say that I would be in. I always have this mentality that the second I think I'm saved I'm actually not. That I might think I'm okay, and when I get up to the front God is going to tell me that He doesn't know me. I believe that a small driving force of my faith in God is fear of Hell. Hell no longer being the place of eternal fire and damnation, but a place completely void of love, peace, friendship, and most of all, God. But is that fear of Hell what is driving me to follow God and his word? Or is it truly my love for Him and gratefulness of what Jesus did for me? Or am I just thinking too much and God is just trying to get me to stop for a second to tell me to calm down and just breathe, just know that He has everything under control?


1. What is "revival"?
When I think of the word revival, I think of something that was once dead being brought back to life. Lazarus being raised from death, that is an example of revival. But in the sense of spiritual revival, what is it? A people who once believed, who once spoke the gospel and lived for God, who followed in simple obedience have now fallen so far away as to be "dead" and need to be brought back to life. Many people claim that there is no god. Many people claim that there are many gods. Some people claim that God does exist, but live however they please. I believe that I would fall into the latter category. Apathy seems to be so prevalent in my life. I hate having to refer to spiritual cliches, but they are only cliches because they're so damn true. The roller coaster of the Christian life. Sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're lukewarm, and sometimes you are cold. If spiritual revival were to come, you would be hot (granted you are taking part of it, or being used in it). You offer your body, your mouth, your thoughts and actions, your pride and image and popularity to God and His works, and you would see miracles and you would see people coming to Jesus. Revival would offer freedom from this world. It would show you heavenly things. They might seem odd to you, odd to the flesh. But ultimately I see revival as the movement of the Holy Spirit through a person, or people, who have truly dedicated themselves in prayer, and study, and relationship, and surrender to Jesus and the Father's will. I believe that revival would look somewhat like how the church of Acts looked like. Which I believe would seem extremely radical to the world today, especially to the US, especially to socal.

2. Would you be ready to respond if revival came?
Right now? No, I don't think so. I'm scared of man. I'm scared of their judgment, I'm scared to deny my flesh and surrender myself to the spirit. I hate stepping on people's toes. I don't like to offend people. But I recently heard something that is very true. You cannot please God and everyone else at the same time. This is not to say you can be arrogant and say Jesus is going to smite everyone for their disobedience and get away with it. You will piss people off, and maybe make God scratch his head thinking "why the heck would he do that?!" That, therefore, pleases nobody. But my fear of judgment from man seems to be greater than the fear of judgment before God, or at least in my actions (or lack of actions) it shows that. I get very skeptical about the word revival. Is it really revival, or are we just so eager for it to really come? I'm afraid when the word is thrown around so much. But I feel that these earthquakes, seeming like there is a different one each day, is God trying to tell me "this is me who is shouting revival now, so RESPOND!" I want to respond, and I want to take baby steps to respond. But I'm not sure if God wants me to go comfortably, I think he wants me to dive headfirst trusting that He will lead me from there. So after thinking about all the things going on, and how considerate God has been so far with my baby steps, I think He wants me to start speaking about His love in a time that seems very dire to know about Jesus and the salvation that he offers us.

So this is my prayer.

God, you are sovereign. Thank you for being in control. I know that you have begun a good work in me, and if I surrender to it, you will complete it. Thank you for giving me a purpose. In this season where revival seems to be right on the horizon I pray that I am not sitting in the on deck circle while everyone else is hitting doubles and homeruns, but I pray that I will step up to the plate whether it be to strike out, or get a hit. If I strike out, then I pray that I will get back out there and try it again, and again, and again knowing that eventually I will get a hit. Not by faith in me, but in you. God, I pray that I can deny my flesh, ignore my fear of man, and just stand up for you, stand up for love and freedom. I want to stand against the enemy, against the world that he has enticed us with. I want to live righteous, swimming against the current so that I might know your will. I simply want to surrender this body that is not even mine. Use me for your Kingdom. Let me be a shepherd to the lost, the weak, the broken, the hungry and thirsty. Use me to show them where fulfillment is. Use me to show people what they were created for. Use me for love. Use me for your glory. Use me for revival, that it might sweep over Torrance, and Los Angeles, then all of America, and then the world, but only after you consume me with your Holy Spirit. I pray for anyone else who has revival on the tip of their tongue, that they might also surrender all to you Lord. That they may truly believe you are Lord in their life, and surrender like they mean it. That they can stand up against the ways of this world, against their fear of man, of unorthodox things, and stand up for you. God, empower your people, your chosen people! You have created us with great purposes in mind, not mediocrity! Show your glory, your power, and your love through those who are willing.

In Jesus' name amen.

Revival Series Intro

It seems that I only update my blog every couple of months now. I no longer want that to be the case. So I am going to start a more often updated blog (hopefully) with a series of questions and my responses to them.

Background context - Lately we have been having many earthquakes, quite large ones, throughout all the world. Including one on Easter Sunday in Baja California. Apparently it was prophesied that there would be an earthquake by Jaeson Ma and Cindy Jacobs. A friend of mine had gotten excited and posted that a wind of Pentecost was going to sweep through LA and that there would be revival. This person's excitement rubbed off on me, as I would also love for revival to happen. Then a good friend of mine, James Lee, texted me a few questions that were quite eye-opening. Eye-opening to the fact that I am so quick to say I want revival without thinking about the magnitude of that word. The questions go as such...

What is revival?
Would you be ready to respond if revival came?
What would be your role in the revival?
How can it be sustained?
What is God's intention?

5 questions for me to dwell upon for the 5 days of my Spring Break. I hope to find during these 5 days answers from the word and from my heart, genuine answers that might not sound great, but are true to myself. So I invite you to not only read along over the next 5 days, but also challenge yourself and see what you think revival means in your own thoughts. Let's see how badly we really want revival.

Miracles

So it's been a very long while, almost 2 months.

Nevertheless, God is moving in my life.

Today was another lazy day, since I'm still out of school. Watched movies, played video games, watched tv. I had to pick up my bike from the shop, but before that i took a nice hour-long nap.
Right when I woke up, I got a call from Stacy telling me that I got an interview at Noonoppi on Monday, and I was pretty much hired. Seven months without a job, and it falls into my lap, praise God!

So it is only fitting that my devotional today talks about believing in the God of miracles. Some of the verses really spoke to me, so I will share them with you.

John 6: 33-40
"God's bread is the One who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." The people said, "Sir, give us this bread always." Then Jesus said, "I am the bread that gives life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you before, you have seen me and still don't believe. The Father gives me my people. Every one of them will come to me, and I will always accept them. I came down from heaven to do what God wants me to do, not what I want to do. Here is what the One who sent me wants me to do: I must not lose even one whom God gave me, but I must raise them all on the last day. Those who see the Son and believe in him have eternal life, and I will raise them on the last day. This is what my Father wants.

The people are so quick to forget the miracle that Jesus performed, so they ask him to do another miracle to prove he is the one sent by God. This is less than a day after he feeds over 10,000 people, and they need to see another miracle. The part that really touches me is when Jesus says that he will always accept those who come to him. That is a miracle in itself. Even though the people torture, mock, and crucify him, he will still accept them if they turn from their old life and believe in him.

I'm truly thankful for that miracle, and the small miracle of God granting me an interview. I gotta keep remembering that He is the God of miracles, and nothing is impossible for Him.

1 Chronicles 16: 8-12
Give thanks to the LORD and pray to him. Tell the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praises to him. Tell about all his miracles. Be glad that you are his; let those who seek the LORD be happy. Depend on the LORD and his strength; always go to him for help. Remember the miracles he has done, his wonders, and his decisions.