Recommitment

So... it has been way too long since I've posted on this thing. With a very small sense of self-motivation and a semi-embarrassing/mostly-convicting shout-out during yesterday's sermon (Thank you Joanne JDSN) I have decided to try to reignite my passion for God by using this as a tool. I feel that when I make a commitment to blogging that somehow, in some unexplainable way, I am really blessed from it. I also enjoy hearing from others that are blessed by my entries and ranting and whatnot, not really knowing whether or not people still check this. So with that mindset, this is mostly for me.

Anywho, yesterday I heard a very convicting sermon about maturing. Looking back on my past couple months, I can say with confidence that I've been nowhere close to mature, but that it's not too late to turn the tables. I decided yesterday I was going to stop making excuses for not reading the Bible, for not praying, and for living a life that doesn't glorify God. And I can SAY all these things and FEEL like I'm changed or going to change, but nothing proves change like some good ol' fashioned actions to back it up.

Luckily, I had a chance to serve a friend of mine today and put my words to the test. I had gotten out of my last class unusually early, and was heading home quite delighted. On the way I saw a car that was stopped in the middle of the road, and thought to myself, "That's unfortunate..". Lo and behold, it was Julia! So I texted her and she called me and asked for help, so I turned around and, with the help of some firemen, pushed her car into the nearby gas station. She was really grateful that I had been there, and I was really grateful that God had spoonfed me this opportunity to serve someone and worship Him.

So my day went on. Went to work, went to tutor afterwards, and then came home.

Then came the difficult task of committing to reading and praying. Tired but still motivated just enough, I opened up to Matthew 4, where Jesus is tempted by Satan. Now I've read these verses many times, and I was thinking to myself "what more can I get out of this passage?" but once again God spoke even in my doubting/disbelief.

I read about Jesus being tempted, and think about myself being tempted, and realize that Jesus is much better at resisting than I am. So I asked myself, besides being the Son of God, what does Jesus have that I don't? And it is very clear what Jesus uses as a mechanism of defense against temptations.

THE WORD. DUH.

As Jesus is pulling out verse after verse, I try to pull up a verse too and think to myself "there is a verse that kinda relates to what he is doing, something in Psalm, like.. Psalm 19:1 or something like that." Turns out, I was close, but further proves my need to read the word.

Psalm 119:11
"I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."

So after my extensive and quite word-barfish post, I am deciding to make that my prayer. God, your word is good. Thank you for such life bearing truth. God, may your word TRULY be a lamp unto my feet when I'm in the dark places, being tempted into doing dark things. I pray that I will have a new commitment to reading and praying and just knowing you so that I can stand against this world and be passionate and on fire to spread your love. Help me to have your word DEEP in my heart, and above all other things. Help me to understand your jealous love for me, and may your passion for me ignite a passion inside of me to love you no matter what. I pray that I will start to mature and discipline so that I can stop being a little boy and finally be a man, one that is rooted in Christ. I pray that you will also ignite my prayer life, that I will just pray for anything and anyone. Help me to truly believe that your name brings life more than the air I breathe.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.