2/17/09 QT

Matthew 19 : 23-26
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to get into the Kingdom of Heaven. I say it again - it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!' The disciples were astounded.'Then who in the world can be saved?' they asked. Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'"

Today I wasn't really feeling that well when I woke up in the morning, so I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. I still had some work to catch up on and figured it would be best if I rested and finished up that work. So while I was at home I found it very hard to get myself out of bed or off of the couch to start doing the work and chores I needed to do. I could not muster up enough motivation to get up and do the things I was supposed to do for my mom while I was at home. After taking a good 2 hour nap after sleeping a good 13 hours the night before I eventually got to finishing up some homework and doing the work my mom needed me to do.

This got me thinking about the human mind, and how a lot of us, including me especially, really need a nudge or a push of some sort to get us up and get us moving or headed in the right direction. Sometimes we try to stay away from the work that needs to be done, or we will head into the wrong direction, knowingly or unknowingly. I tended to do both of those today during my sick day. I didn't have the energy or the will to really wake up and do what I needed to do, and I was diving head first into sin knowing exactly what I was doing.

Reading this verse today made me realize how true it is, I was recently speaking with someone briefly about human depravity and how we do all these wrong things because that's just who we are and what we made ourselves into by sinning. This is also why it is impossible for a man to get into the Kingdom of Heaven by his own humanly powers, it is just impossible. Simple as that. We need God though, we need his grace, we need his strength, his mercy, his love and compassion, and his son, Jesus Christ. His son who was slain for our sins, and is slain every single time that we continue to sin against our father, our creator, and our lover.

Knowing how sinful and disgusting my heart truly is I am in utter amazement that God still loves me and still wants me more and more every day. I see the things that I do and hear the things that I say and the things that I think and I can't come to comprehension about why God is so crazy about me. I guess when I have a child of my own I will understand that to a lesser extent. But he feels that for each and every one of us and he gave us the opportunity to enter his kingdom even though we are sinful by nature. He built a bridge between the gap from us to Him. And every second that I live I further prove how unworthy I am of that bridge, but that is where I am so thankful for God's kindness, mercy, and never-ending grace. Every second that I see my own sins against God's people, against myself, and against Him I feel a genuine guilt because of it and ask for his mercy to once again wash away my filthy stains. And He keeps his promise, He is always faithful to me.

Thank you God for always being faithful to the filthy sinner you call worthy of your love. Through that love I am no longer a filthy sinner, but I am your son whom you adore. I yearn to adore you more and more and to serve you more and more.

In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

It has been a while..

I just wanted to put up one of my journal entries and a verse I read today.

Matthew 10:39
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it.


I need to live this out dangit!

Please bear with my journal entry, I wrote it while I was half asleep, so it might not make sense but it did to me.

"I seriously need to realize that I have to learn to love God unconditionally before I can love a woman unconditionally, even though God is not tangible it is easier with God because you know for sure that God loves you, you knows for sure everything He has done for you, and you know that He will never ever fail you. Girls, on the other hand, will sometimes not love you, won't show their love or affection or anything, and sometimes, not all the time, they will fail you. Maybe they will cheat on you. Or maybe they will fight with you or get mad at you for no apparent reason. Or maybe they will get mad at you for a good reason because you screwed up somehow. Still, God is the easier one to love because He is perfect in every tiny detail. Perfect is not even good enough to describe His flawlessness. Then, even with how easy God is to love it is still a very difficult thing to continue to do. Our bodies will stray away, along with our minds and our hearts, at the sight of any temptation that seems better than what we have at the time, or looks like it will make us feel better than we are feeling at that exact moment. It becomes easier to fail in loving God because we tend to take advantage of His never ending love. We tend to take advantage of His grace and His son."

As you can see I am going through some issues with love right now.
If you could keep me in your prayers that would be wonderfully appreciated.

Goodnight! :]