So today i found out that i work monday through thursday, six and a half hours each day, usually getting home around eleven then homework and QT. Basically i will be working more than i will be sleeping each day, so i know i'm going to be tired. Because i know i'm going to be tired i know that i am going to be more vulnerable to sin. While i was doing my QT tonight i came upon this verse that i think is very true that i'm glad i came upon and i wanted to share it with whoever is reading this.
Mark 14: 38 "Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak."
It speaks much truth about our human lives, once we become tired or stressed or just over-burdened we tend to fall to the temptation of sin easier than usual, no matter how much we want to resist that sin. That is why we must keep in constant contact with God and continue to pray for strength against the temptations that may come.
Lots of prayer for this week, lots of stuff coming up on friday and saturday, i'm glad there is spring break right around the corner. I need it, and i'm sure everyone else does too.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
so i was working on my senior research paper...
and i was listening to Jeremy Camp and lately i have been trying to think about why i really believe in God and all that stuff. If someone were to ask me obviously i would talk about the grace that has saved me, by the blood of Jesus Christ, and all that fantastic stuff. But people have heard that over and over again and see no change in the people that say that. And in the song the lyrics played out of the speakers and over again in my head, "your voice has shown my purpose in this world". and that is so true, because there would be no reason that this world would give me a heart that yearns to be selfless, that longs to give up for the better of others. If God was not prevalent in my life i would be really really selfish. God has really given me insight, along with His word, about how being last really is being first. Being below others and putting others before myself really does bring me a joy and peace that cannot be explained by the world.
Just a bit of self reflection, i am trying to work on being introspective right now. :]
Just a bit of self reflection, i am trying to work on being introspective right now. :]
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
reminiscing
So I've had a rough past couple days. I have had a stomach virus, and just felt crappy on many different fronts. After resting all day, working a little bit on my senior project, I started to look over some of my old documents and I came across this one. I guess I have been struggling and reading this kinda picked me up, so I'm just gonna post it for fun. Hope you enjoy it. :]
Four Year Old Giovany Teaches a Lesson
The day I woke up from having the worst 3 hours of sleep I did not expect to have a great day. I also did not expect to learn about love from a four year old kid I couldn't communicate with.
I had a crick in my neck from sleeping on the chairs at church, and a sore throat from sleeping with my mouth open. The van ride wasn't that great either, I sat next to Stacy, who I was afraid of by the way. Everyone else got to sleep on the vans, but I had a seat on the far right so I would always fall off the edge if I tried to sleep.
So by the time we arrived at Saddleback Church I thought to myself, "God, is missions really the thing for me?". About two or three weeks before today I had signed myself up for Mexico Missions, and every Sunday I had to go to church to be briefed on how it was going to work and to get my weekly Spanish lessons. (By the way, I suck at Spanish).
Now we were departing from Saddleback and we were really going to Mexico, "No turning back now," I told myself. I had never been to Mexico, let alone another country. So I was curious as to what another country looked like. But once I saw the conditions I wished I was back home.
The orphanage we were going to was located in Tijuana. We passed by an area with bunkers and soldiers standing around with loaded machine guns. I really started wondering if missions was right for me.
By the time we got there I started becoming more optimistic. I felt a little more energized, and now that I was off the van of people I didn't know very well I could talk and hang out with my friends. The orphanage looked pretty nice. The people there were great people, taking in orphans who had been abandoned by the parents or whose parents had died from the conditions down in Tijuana.
Then we saw all the children playing and running around. Of course all the girls went and found the youngest and cutest kids to go play with. I was in the group that had the second youngest kids, ages three to six. My kid was an energetic little boy named Giovany. Some of the girls were jealous and tried to take him from he, he was darn cute.
But like I said before, this kid was pretty energetic. He was tough to keep in one spot for a period of time. During worship, we were supposed to sing and dance with our kids, but Giovany wanted to sing and move through the whole group. Once I tagged him down in one spot, he wanted to go up. Since he was just a four year old I decided putting him on my shoulders wouldn't be too much of a task. But when it was 95 degrees, and there were over 60 people cramped in that room I started sweating like a madman.
While I was singing praise songs in Spanish and dancing around dripping sweat I couldn't help but notice how happy all the children were. They were so eager to praise God. Giovany too, he was clapping his hands and using my head as a drum for beats, just having a great time during worship.
After worship was lunch, the cheeseburgers were pretty good. Then we had to do an activity with our kid, based on the age group. Giovany's group was making bracelets with the words "Jesus me amo". We made our bracelets pretty quickly, because he didn't want to just sit there. So when we finished I asked Angie Teacher if we could go play. So when she said yes he got so excited and grabbed my hand and just started pulling me somewhere.
I hadn't looked around the orphanage, so I had no idea where he was taking me. Once we got there I saw a little playground in a big sandbox. I figured a kid with his energy would've wanted to run and jump around on the playground and go on the slides and stuff. But he went straight for the swings, and asked me to push him.
So I did.
We were the only partners who weren't doing the activity with our groups, there was nobody outside around us barring a couple people passing by to use the bathrooms.
While I was pushing Giovany I started thinking about the conditions that these children were living in. The poverty around them, the corrupt government they had no idea about, the lack of parents. Yet still, they continued to praise God with their every action. I started to think about this feeling I had now for Giovany, and noticed he started repeating something to me.
"Mas rapido! Mas rapido!".
I figured that meant faster, so I pushed harder. He was really enjoying himself on the swings, he must have been on the swings for a good half hour and maybe even longer. Surprisingly he taught me so much in that short period of time, and he didn't even speak a single lick of English. I hardly understood anything he was saying in Spanish.
But he was speaking a language that almost everyone knows. He was speaking with the language of love.
Giovany taught me that love cannot be contained. He told me that no barriers can hold in love, not different languages, not poverty, nothing.
He told me that love conquers all.
Four Year Old Giovany Teaches a Lesson
The day I woke up from having the worst 3 hours of sleep I did not expect to have a great day. I also did not expect to learn about love from a four year old kid I couldn't communicate with.
I had a crick in my neck from sleeping on the chairs at church, and a sore throat from sleeping with my mouth open. The van ride wasn't that great either, I sat next to Stacy, who I was afraid of by the way. Everyone else got to sleep on the vans, but I had a seat on the far right so I would always fall off the edge if I tried to sleep.
So by the time we arrived at Saddleback Church I thought to myself, "God, is missions really the thing for me?". About two or three weeks before today I had signed myself up for Mexico Missions, and every Sunday I had to go to church to be briefed on how it was going to work and to get my weekly Spanish lessons. (By the way, I suck at Spanish).
Now we were departing from Saddleback and we were really going to Mexico, "No turning back now," I told myself. I had never been to Mexico, let alone another country. So I was curious as to what another country looked like. But once I saw the conditions I wished I was back home.
The orphanage we were going to was located in Tijuana. We passed by an area with bunkers and soldiers standing around with loaded machine guns. I really started wondering if missions was right for me.
By the time we got there I started becoming more optimistic. I felt a little more energized, and now that I was off the van of people I didn't know very well I could talk and hang out with my friends. The orphanage looked pretty nice. The people there were great people, taking in orphans who had been abandoned by the parents or whose parents had died from the conditions down in Tijuana.
Then we saw all the children playing and running around. Of course all the girls went and found the youngest and cutest kids to go play with. I was in the group that had the second youngest kids, ages three to six. My kid was an energetic little boy named Giovany. Some of the girls were jealous and tried to take him from he, he was darn cute.
But like I said before, this kid was pretty energetic. He was tough to keep in one spot for a period of time. During worship, we were supposed to sing and dance with our kids, but Giovany wanted to sing and move through the whole group. Once I tagged him down in one spot, he wanted to go up. Since he was just a four year old I decided putting him on my shoulders wouldn't be too much of a task. But when it was 95 degrees, and there were over 60 people cramped in that room I started sweating like a madman.
While I was singing praise songs in Spanish and dancing around dripping sweat I couldn't help but notice how happy all the children were. They were so eager to praise God. Giovany too, he was clapping his hands and using my head as a drum for beats, just having a great time during worship.
After worship was lunch, the cheeseburgers were pretty good. Then we had to do an activity with our kid, based on the age group. Giovany's group was making bracelets with the words "Jesus me amo". We made our bracelets pretty quickly, because he didn't want to just sit there. So when we finished I asked Angie Teacher if we could go play. So when she said yes he got so excited and grabbed my hand and just started pulling me somewhere.
I hadn't looked around the orphanage, so I had no idea where he was taking me. Once we got there I saw a little playground in a big sandbox. I figured a kid with his energy would've wanted to run and jump around on the playground and go on the slides and stuff. But he went straight for the swings, and asked me to push him.
So I did.
We were the only partners who weren't doing the activity with our groups, there was nobody outside around us barring a couple people passing by to use the bathrooms.
While I was pushing Giovany I started thinking about the conditions that these children were living in. The poverty around them, the corrupt government they had no idea about, the lack of parents. Yet still, they continued to praise God with their every action. I started to think about this feeling I had now for Giovany, and noticed he started repeating something to me.
"Mas rapido! Mas rapido!".
I figured that meant faster, so I pushed harder. He was really enjoying himself on the swings, he must have been on the swings for a good half hour and maybe even longer. Surprisingly he taught me so much in that short period of time, and he didn't even speak a single lick of English. I hardly understood anything he was saying in Spanish.
But he was speaking a language that almost everyone knows. He was speaking with the language of love.
Giovany taught me that love cannot be contained. He told me that no barriers can hold in love, not different languages, not poverty, nothing.
He told me that love conquers all.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
sleepy readings
It's already thursday, almost friday. this week passed by so fast, I'm starting to fall into routine again. That is no good. I continue to push off things that are important, I continue to not have deep intimacy in my QTs, although God was gracious enough to speak to me tonight, but still I feel that I am lacking in my passion for Him.
Anyway, I was reading tonight and I was reading about another miracle that Jesus performs in Mark 7, and like always when Jesus performs his miracle he tells the people or the person or whoever to not speak of the miracle, to not speak about his healing powers. Even though he tells them to do this they still talk about it "but the more he told them not to, the more they spread the news, for they were completely amazed. Again and again they said, "Everything he does is wonderful. He even heals those who are deaf and mute." "(Mark 7:36)
These people, even though they are told specifically not to speak about what they saw, they do it anyway. Because they are amazed, and this amazes me. Because I have experienced Jesus in my life, I have seen him perform miracles in my life, right before my eyes. (If you care to ask I might tell you) God has done all these amazing things in my life, and on the contrary to what Jesus says to the people He has told me to spread his word, God has called us to be his body, Jesus called us to the Great Commission. He called us to make disciples of the nations, to baptize in the name of the trinity, and to teach them to obey. He has called us to speak about the great things he has done in our lives. Yet we do not. Yet I do not. Yet I am bound by fear, fear that I have said does not live in me, fear that God is trying to cast out of my life. It just kinda prodded at me the fact that the people of Jesus' time would always speak of him against his will, and I do the opposite, we do the opposite.
I'm really tired God. I am tired of school, tired of work, tired of drama, just tired of everything that the enemy throws at me. God I want more intimacy with you, I want more passion, I want a fire that burns so deep that it may not be extinguished, that it may not be blown out. That forever my heart will have a light, and it is you. God I pray that you will stir something inside of my heart, something to get me really going in my faith, something to get me going when it comes to my life at school. I want to be more of a light while I'm at school. Another four months and I may never see some of these people ever again, some of the people who I know your heart longs for because my heart longs for them to know you too. God give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom. Give me your strength, your courage, your wisdom. Lord I want to know you more, I want to hear you more, and I want to see what you have in store for your people, Lord I want you to speak to me, to show me signs of any kind. Even though this is a tired prayer I can say that I am satisfied in all that you have done for me and all that you have blessed me with. I may be struck down, but I am not destroyed! You are my rock, my shepherd, my salvation. Thank you so much God.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Anyway, I was reading tonight and I was reading about another miracle that Jesus performs in Mark 7, and like always when Jesus performs his miracle he tells the people or the person or whoever to not speak of the miracle, to not speak about his healing powers. Even though he tells them to do this they still talk about it "but the more he told them not to, the more they spread the news, for they were completely amazed. Again and again they said, "Everything he does is wonderful. He even heals those who are deaf and mute." "(Mark 7:36)
These people, even though they are told specifically not to speak about what they saw, they do it anyway. Because they are amazed, and this amazes me. Because I have experienced Jesus in my life, I have seen him perform miracles in my life, right before my eyes. (If you care to ask I might tell you) God has done all these amazing things in my life, and on the contrary to what Jesus says to the people He has told me to spread his word, God has called us to be his body, Jesus called us to the Great Commission. He called us to make disciples of the nations, to baptize in the name of the trinity, and to teach them to obey. He has called us to speak about the great things he has done in our lives. Yet we do not. Yet I do not. Yet I am bound by fear, fear that I have said does not live in me, fear that God is trying to cast out of my life. It just kinda prodded at me the fact that the people of Jesus' time would always speak of him against his will, and I do the opposite, we do the opposite.
I'm really tired God. I am tired of school, tired of work, tired of drama, just tired of everything that the enemy throws at me. God I want more intimacy with you, I want more passion, I want a fire that burns so deep that it may not be extinguished, that it may not be blown out. That forever my heart will have a light, and it is you. God I pray that you will stir something inside of my heart, something to get me really going in my faith, something to get me going when it comes to my life at school. I want to be more of a light while I'm at school. Another four months and I may never see some of these people ever again, some of the people who I know your heart longs for because my heart longs for them to know you too. God give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom. Give me your strength, your courage, your wisdom. Lord I want to know you more, I want to hear you more, and I want to see what you have in store for your people, Lord I want you to speak to me, to show me signs of any kind. Even though this is a tired prayer I can say that I am satisfied in all that you have done for me and all that you have blessed me with. I may be struck down, but I am not destroyed! You are my rock, my shepherd, my salvation. Thank you so much God.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
march 11
Today was freaking awesome.
Seriously, God is alive, and He is moving.
Talking today with people I see that God is being represented in a great way and seeing how God is moving in those people gives me a hope for mankind. Hope, it is truly found in Him. Praise God.
Thanks to you three people who I spoke with today, my heart is truly excited for the things that God has in store for you and for us together. :]
Seriously, God is alive, and He is moving.
Talking today with people I see that God is being represented in a great way and seeing how God is moving in those people gives me a hope for mankind. Hope, it is truly found in Him. Praise God.
Thanks to you three people who I spoke with today, my heart is truly excited for the things that God has in store for you and for us together. :]
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Random Thoughts QT :DDDDDD
So today I was reading Mark chapters 1 and 2 and I was thinking about four things, all somewhat different, some random, some out of honest curiosity.
First : I decided to highlight the reactions of the disciples after Jesus calls out to them, because when you look at it every time Jesus would tell someone to be his disciple they instantly got up and followed him. I was thinking today about the difference between the ministry you are called to and the exact calling that you hear. In the book I was reading it says the ministry is due to loyalty, and the ministry is to feed God's sheep. But the call is the opportunity, the call is when you see someone sitting alone at lunch and you know you should talk to them, the call is when you see someone being picked on by a few classmates, the call is when you feel the Holy Spirit tugging at you to do something that the world would normally look down upon. Disciples are quick in their following of Jesus, we should be similar.
Second : Why is it that Jesus is so effective? Obviously he is the son of God, and he is the Messiah, yes, I know this. But when I read about the miracles he performs, and in particular I am speaking of when he casts out his first demon in Mark chapter 1 while in the synagogue, he is not afraid at all. There is no ounce of fear within him while he is performing his ministry. And I try to think about the reasons I am afraid to do what I know I should do. It is because I will look dumb to other people if I do it, it is because I am afraid of them saying that they don't want to talk to me, it is because I don't want to be called a "Jesus Freak" at my school by my peers, blah blah. It seems like we have such little confidence in God when we are called to do something, we are more focused on what other people will say or think of us if we do it, we don't focus on who God says we are. We don't focus on what Jesus commissioned us to do. Maybe we should.
Third : Why doesn't the Bible say that nagging is a sin? My mom comes in while I am doing my QT and she asks about what the check had to be made out to, then she tells me she is going to go to bed, then she asks me when I am going to clean my room, then she says that is not the right answer and asks me again, then she asks "What is in there?" while pointing to my Bible that I was ever-so-entangled in before she came into the room and decided to bother me during my personal time. God, why do you not frown upon nagging like it is murder? Nagging is like murdering my patience and my happiness, it hurts more than my flesh, it wounds my soul. Why God, why?
Fourth : I was so completely loving the rant I posted for my third thought that I forgot what my fourth thought was. Wow, that stinks..oh yes, I remember! I was reading Mark 2 : 27-28 and it kinda confuses me, or I guess it is just something that I have never heard or known.
Mark 2 : 27-28 "Then he said to them, 'The Sabbath was made to benefit people, and not people to benefit the Sabbath. And I, the Son of Man, am master even of the Sabbath!"
Sabbath was made to benefit us? I thought we were supposed to praise God for the blessings he has given us, for being almighty and powerful, for being merciful and graceful, for being compassionate and kind, stuff like that. But it was made to benefit us? Maybe I will ask Joanne JDSN about this verse. Maybe I am just way behind on Sabbath 101 stuff, who knows? It is just something new to me so I am interested in finding out exactly what it means, hopefully Joanne JDSN knows.
So there is a little peek on what goes on in my head while I read the Bible, quite interesting, I know..
Hopefully I can read the Bible with whoever may be reading this blog right now!
I wonder if anyone actually reads these anymore anyway..
Mine always seem to be some kind of a rant, I wonder if anyone is entertained by reading my ranting.
I enjoy being random and honest, I believe people are more pleased with that, nobody wants to read something so deep that they have to read that one sentence twenty times just to realize what it meant. Just kidding, I do! That's why I like reading Ray's and James' and Jacob's blogs! xD
Just kidding, you guys aren't really that deep, maybe Ray just because he is so damn intellectual. Anyway I suppose I should be done for the night. I got lots of peeps I should pray for tonight, yeah.. tell me if you need prayer, I would be glad to write your name on a post-it and stick it to my computer so I can remember to pray for you about whatever it may be. Whether it is that you like to skin people in your free time and you want to be cleansed of your sin, or whether you just want to know God more, it's all good with me. I am not the judge, but He is. He is the loving judge if there is such a thing, not in this world because He is not of this world. Ha ha ha, he he he, ho ho ho. Okay, I'm tired, I need to stop ranting, byebye. :D
First : I decided to highlight the reactions of the disciples after Jesus calls out to them, because when you look at it every time Jesus would tell someone to be his disciple they instantly got up and followed him. I was thinking today about the difference between the ministry you are called to and the exact calling that you hear. In the book I was reading it says the ministry is due to loyalty, and the ministry is to feed God's sheep. But the call is the opportunity, the call is when you see someone sitting alone at lunch and you know you should talk to them, the call is when you see someone being picked on by a few classmates, the call is when you feel the Holy Spirit tugging at you to do something that the world would normally look down upon. Disciples are quick in their following of Jesus, we should be similar.
Second : Why is it that Jesus is so effective? Obviously he is the son of God, and he is the Messiah, yes, I know this. But when I read about the miracles he performs, and in particular I am speaking of when he casts out his first demon in Mark chapter 1 while in the synagogue, he is not afraid at all. There is no ounce of fear within him while he is performing his ministry. And I try to think about the reasons I am afraid to do what I know I should do. It is because I will look dumb to other people if I do it, it is because I am afraid of them saying that they don't want to talk to me, it is because I don't want to be called a "Jesus Freak" at my school by my peers, blah blah. It seems like we have such little confidence in God when we are called to do something, we are more focused on what other people will say or think of us if we do it, we don't focus on who God says we are. We don't focus on what Jesus commissioned us to do. Maybe we should.
Third : Why doesn't the Bible say that nagging is a sin? My mom comes in while I am doing my QT and she asks about what the check had to be made out to, then she tells me she is going to go to bed, then she asks me when I am going to clean my room, then she says that is not the right answer and asks me again, then she asks "What is in there?" while pointing to my Bible that I was ever-so-entangled in before she came into the room and decided to bother me during my personal time. God, why do you not frown upon nagging like it is murder? Nagging is like murdering my patience and my happiness, it hurts more than my flesh, it wounds my soul. Why God, why?
Fourth : I was so completely loving the rant I posted for my third thought that I forgot what my fourth thought was. Wow, that stinks..oh yes, I remember! I was reading Mark 2 : 27-28 and it kinda confuses me, or I guess it is just something that I have never heard or known.
Mark 2 : 27-28 "Then he said to them, 'The Sabbath was made to benefit people, and not people to benefit the Sabbath. And I, the Son of Man, am master even of the Sabbath!"
Sabbath was made to benefit us? I thought we were supposed to praise God for the blessings he has given us, for being almighty and powerful, for being merciful and graceful, for being compassionate and kind, stuff like that. But it was made to benefit us? Maybe I will ask Joanne JDSN about this verse. Maybe I am just way behind on Sabbath 101 stuff, who knows? It is just something new to me so I am interested in finding out exactly what it means, hopefully Joanne JDSN knows.
So there is a little peek on what goes on in my head while I read the Bible, quite interesting, I know..
Hopefully I can read the Bible with whoever may be reading this blog right now!
I wonder if anyone actually reads these anymore anyway..
Mine always seem to be some kind of a rant, I wonder if anyone is entertained by reading my ranting.
I enjoy being random and honest, I believe people are more pleased with that, nobody wants to read something so deep that they have to read that one sentence twenty times just to realize what it meant. Just kidding, I do! That's why I like reading Ray's and James' and Jacob's blogs! xD
Just kidding, you guys aren't really that deep, maybe Ray just because he is so damn intellectual. Anyway I suppose I should be done for the night. I got lots of peeps I should pray for tonight, yeah.. tell me if you need prayer, I would be glad to write your name on a post-it and stick it to my computer so I can remember to pray for you about whatever it may be. Whether it is that you like to skin people in your free time and you want to be cleansed of your sin, or whether you just want to know God more, it's all good with me. I am not the judge, but He is. He is the loving judge if there is such a thing, not in this world because He is not of this world. Ha ha ha, he he he, ho ho ho. Okay, I'm tired, I need to stop ranting, byebye. :D
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