sleepy readings

It's already thursday, almost friday. this week passed by so fast, I'm starting to fall into routine again. That is no good. I continue to push off things that are important, I continue to not have deep intimacy in my QTs, although God was gracious enough to speak to me tonight, but still I feel that I am lacking in my passion for Him.

Anyway, I was reading tonight and I was reading about another miracle that Jesus performs in Mark 7, and like always when Jesus performs his miracle he tells the people or the person or whoever to not speak of the miracle, to not speak about his healing powers. Even though he tells them to do this they still talk about it "but the more he told them not to, the more they spread the news, for they were completely amazed. Again and again they said, "Everything he does is wonderful. He even heals those who are deaf and mute." "(Mark 7:36)

These people, even though they are told specifically not to speak about what they saw, they do it anyway. Because they are amazed, and this amazes me. Because I have experienced Jesus in my life, I have seen him perform miracles in my life, right before my eyes. (If you care to ask I might tell you) God has done all these amazing things in my life, and on the contrary to what Jesus says to the people He has told me to spread his word, God has called us to be his body, Jesus called us to the Great Commission. He called us to make disciples of the nations, to baptize in the name of the trinity, and to teach them to obey. He has called us to speak about the great things he has done in our lives. Yet we do not. Yet I do not. Yet I am bound by fear, fear that I have said does not live in me, fear that God is trying to cast out of my life. It just kinda prodded at me the fact that the people of Jesus' time would always speak of him against his will, and I do the opposite, we do the opposite.

I'm really tired God. I am tired of school, tired of work, tired of drama, just tired of everything that the enemy throws at me. God I want more intimacy with you, I want more passion, I want a fire that burns so deep that it may not be extinguished, that it may not be blown out. That forever my heart will have a light, and it is you. God I pray that you will stir something inside of my heart, something to get me really going in my faith, something to get me going when it comes to my life at school. I want to be more of a light while I'm at school. Another four months and I may never see some of these people ever again, some of the people who I know your heart longs for because my heart longs for them to know you too. God give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom. Give me your strength, your courage, your wisdom. Lord I want to know you more, I want to hear you more, and I want to see what you have in store for your people, Lord I want you to speak to me, to show me signs of any kind. Even though this is a tired prayer I can say that I am satisfied in all that you have done for me and all that you have blessed me with. I may be struck down, but I am not destroyed! You are my rock, my shepherd, my salvation. Thank you so much God.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.