I don't wanna be scared, I wanna be prepared

Another earthquake today. 6.9 in China. I used to be deadly afraid of earthquakes, sometimes so scared to go to sleep afraid that I would never wake up. That fear went away for a while until tonight. When I found out I muttered "the end times are coming" and didn't really think about it until I got home. After spending some time doing my QT and I prayed my prayer was that I don't want to be scared, but I want to be prepared if it comes. If an earthquake strikes. If Jesus comes. There is a mixture of selfish ambitions/wants and doubt in God that continues to feed this fear. The tiny thought that maybe there is no God, maybe these atheist people are right; that scares me down to the core. But any other time than now it is hard for me to believe that everything was created just by chance, not by a divine being with a sense of grand direction and purpose. I suppose I tend to overthink in that category.

But let's say an earthquake hit socal, and I died and was standing in Heaven waiting to be judged. I can't confidently say that I would be in. I always have this mentality that the second I think I'm saved I'm actually not. That I might think I'm okay, and when I get up to the front God is going to tell me that He doesn't know me. I believe that a small driving force of my faith in God is fear of Hell. Hell no longer being the place of eternal fire and damnation, but a place completely void of love, peace, friendship, and most of all, God. But is that fear of Hell what is driving me to follow God and his word? Or is it truly my love for Him and gratefulness of what Jesus did for me? Or am I just thinking too much and God is just trying to get me to stop for a second to tell me to calm down and just breathe, just know that He has everything under control?


1. What is "revival"?
When I think of the word revival, I think of something that was once dead being brought back to life. Lazarus being raised from death, that is an example of revival. But in the sense of spiritual revival, what is it? A people who once believed, who once spoke the gospel and lived for God, who followed in simple obedience have now fallen so far away as to be "dead" and need to be brought back to life. Many people claim that there is no god. Many people claim that there are many gods. Some people claim that God does exist, but live however they please. I believe that I would fall into the latter category. Apathy seems to be so prevalent in my life. I hate having to refer to spiritual cliches, but they are only cliches because they're so damn true. The roller coaster of the Christian life. Sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're lukewarm, and sometimes you are cold. If spiritual revival were to come, you would be hot (granted you are taking part of it, or being used in it). You offer your body, your mouth, your thoughts and actions, your pride and image and popularity to God and His works, and you would see miracles and you would see people coming to Jesus. Revival would offer freedom from this world. It would show you heavenly things. They might seem odd to you, odd to the flesh. But ultimately I see revival as the movement of the Holy Spirit through a person, or people, who have truly dedicated themselves in prayer, and study, and relationship, and surrender to Jesus and the Father's will. I believe that revival would look somewhat like how the church of Acts looked like. Which I believe would seem extremely radical to the world today, especially to the US, especially to socal.

2. Would you be ready to respond if revival came?
Right now? No, I don't think so. I'm scared of man. I'm scared of their judgment, I'm scared to deny my flesh and surrender myself to the spirit. I hate stepping on people's toes. I don't like to offend people. But I recently heard something that is very true. You cannot please God and everyone else at the same time. This is not to say you can be arrogant and say Jesus is going to smite everyone for their disobedience and get away with it. You will piss people off, and maybe make God scratch his head thinking "why the heck would he do that?!" That, therefore, pleases nobody. But my fear of judgment from man seems to be greater than the fear of judgment before God, or at least in my actions (or lack of actions) it shows that. I get very skeptical about the word revival. Is it really revival, or are we just so eager for it to really come? I'm afraid when the word is thrown around so much. But I feel that these earthquakes, seeming like there is a different one each day, is God trying to tell me "this is me who is shouting revival now, so RESPOND!" I want to respond, and I want to take baby steps to respond. But I'm not sure if God wants me to go comfortably, I think he wants me to dive headfirst trusting that He will lead me from there. So after thinking about all the things going on, and how considerate God has been so far with my baby steps, I think He wants me to start speaking about His love in a time that seems very dire to know about Jesus and the salvation that he offers us.

So this is my prayer.

God, you are sovereign. Thank you for being in control. I know that you have begun a good work in me, and if I surrender to it, you will complete it. Thank you for giving me a purpose. In this season where revival seems to be right on the horizon I pray that I am not sitting in the on deck circle while everyone else is hitting doubles and homeruns, but I pray that I will step up to the plate whether it be to strike out, or get a hit. If I strike out, then I pray that I will get back out there and try it again, and again, and again knowing that eventually I will get a hit. Not by faith in me, but in you. God, I pray that I can deny my flesh, ignore my fear of man, and just stand up for you, stand up for love and freedom. I want to stand against the enemy, against the world that he has enticed us with. I want to live righteous, swimming against the current so that I might know your will. I simply want to surrender this body that is not even mine. Use me for your Kingdom. Let me be a shepherd to the lost, the weak, the broken, the hungry and thirsty. Use me to show them where fulfillment is. Use me to show people what they were created for. Use me for love. Use me for your glory. Use me for revival, that it might sweep over Torrance, and Los Angeles, then all of America, and then the world, but only after you consume me with your Holy Spirit. I pray for anyone else who has revival on the tip of their tongue, that they might also surrender all to you Lord. That they may truly believe you are Lord in their life, and surrender like they mean it. That they can stand up against the ways of this world, against their fear of man, of unorthodox things, and stand up for you. God, empower your people, your chosen people! You have created us with great purposes in mind, not mediocrity! Show your glory, your power, and your love through those who are willing.

In Jesus' name amen.