Like a lamb led to the slaughter

John 1 : 29
"The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him. John said, 'Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!'."
Isaiah 53:6-8
"We all have wandered away like sheep; each of us has gone his own way.
But the Lord has put on him the punishment for all the evil we have done.
He was beaten down and punished, but he didn't say a word.
He was like a lamb being led to be killed.
He was quiet, as a sheep is quiet when its wool is being cut; he never opened his mouth.
Men took him away roughly and unfairly.
He died without children to continue his family.
He was put to death; he was punished for the sins of my people."

Oh, how white the wool of the Lamb was. Not a blemish to be found on the Lamb. But because of our innate sinfulness he was slain. He had to be; He had to make a way for us.
But even as he was mocked by His own people, He did not say a word. He did not put an end to it. He endured the unjust murder, and has risen and is living now as our justice! He has risen and is living now as our righteousness! He is our salvation! Rejoice in the Lamb that was slain!

Proverbs 5: 22-23
"An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly."

Isn't it great that we are no longer held captive? That we are no longer held by the grips of sin and the death that it brings? That we are no longer lost, but are found in Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God?

Yes!

It was never meant
to burst from the body
so fiercely, to pour
unchanneled from
the five wounds
and the unbandaged brow,
drowning the dark wood,
staining the stones
and the gravel below,
clotting in the air
dark with God's absence.

It was created for
a closed system-
the unbroken
rhythms of human blood
binding the body
of God, circulating
hot, brilliant,
saline, without
interruption
between heart, lungs
and all cells.

But because he
was once emptied
I am each day refilled;
my spirit-arteries
pules with the vital red
of love; poured out,
it is his life
that now pumps through
my own heart's core.
He bled, and died, and I
have been transfused.

Luci Shaw

Smile! Because Jesus loves you! :]

In Tune

God let my rhythm be the same as your rhythm.
May your eyes be my eyes
May your love be my love
May your heart be my heart
May your passion be my passion
May your grace and mercy be my grace and mercy
May your wisdom be my wisdom

More of you and less of me. Take all of the me and throw it out the window, because up to this point it has not caused any good. Let's run with what we know is good, what we know is unchanging, and that is all that you are. Faithful, neverending, unfailing, mysterious, powerful.

God, I want to be in tune with you.
More of you and less of me.

Stones Cry Out

Today I was spending time in the word with God, which was magnificent for so many reasons, but I will just share on part that I thought was particularly awesome.

It comes from Luke 19 : 29-40
Where Jesus tells two followers to get the colt that hasn't been ridden and bring it to him to ride into Jerusalem on. When he arrives his followers throw their coats on the ground in front of where he is riding and they cry out, 38 "Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory to the highest!"

Then some pharisees come up to Jesus and tell him to stop his followers from saying these things.

What he says next really touched me and showed me the majesty of Jesus that I really love to see in the world and the word.

40 : But Jesus answered, "I tell you, if my followers didn't say these things, then the stones would cry out."

The stones would cry out in praise to King Jesus if his followers didn't. God, who humbled himself and came down as a man, would be hailed by his creation even if it wasn't by human beings because he is THAT AMAZING. I love seeing his power in all of creation like this, it just shows me a new beauty that I sometimes/often forget God possesses.


God. You are beautiful. Creator of the Heavens, of earth, of the universe, galaxy, all that stuff that is way beyond me; you came down to die for me, for my sinfulness, for all of mankind's sinfulness. Yahweh, no word can truly capture just how awesome You are.

Look what You've done for me,
Your blood has set me free,
Jesus, my Lord, look what You've done for me.
I haven't been the same
ever since that day I called Your name.
Jesus, my Lord, look what You've done for me.

What can I do for you my Lord?
I want you to know my heart is Yours
It's not a question of what You can do for me
But what can I do for you my Lord?

interesting

Floyd McClung says that true repentance begins when we see sin from God's eyes. That we can see how sin breaks God's heart. Once we see that we will truly repent of our sins.

In Hosanna we always sing "break my heart for what breaks yours" but I never really thought about viewing sin from God's perspective.

So I'm gonna pray that God will show me how He views my sin, and the sins of His children. See where it takes/leads me. We shall see!

Listen

So I was doing my QT today, and I stumbled upon a very simple verse. It's so simple, that I realized I read it and skip over it as if because it is simple it has very little importance. But today I realized the reason why I fall so much to sin and hypocrisy is because I don't pay attention to this verse.

It comes from the gospel of Luke 14:35
It is the last thing he says.
"You people who can hear me, listen."

You may ask, how much can really come out of that verse? Well let me tell you, it is so dire to our spiritual walk. We can break this verse down into two pieces.

1. "You people who can hear me,..." When Jesus refers to the people who can "hear" him, He is talking about all the people that understand what his parables are speaking about. The parable about the salt and its saltiness, the parable of the big banquet, the parable about the mustard seed, about the yeast of the pharisees, about the lamp on the lampstand, all these parables. If you understand them, you are the person Jesus is talking to.

2. "...listen." When I would read this verse throughout the gospels multiple times I figured I was doing the right thing. I heard what Jesus said about the parable. I got it. I could explain it to others if they didn't understand it. I could write a paragraph on it, or sum it up. I got it. I listened. But for some reason, tonight I saw the word listen and knew that to listen requires something more than just hearing what is said. One definition, given by dictionary.com (which I believe is a reliable source for definitions), says to listen is not only to hear what is being said, but to heed and obey. To heed and obey. To heed is to pay careful attention to something. To obey is to comply or follow the commands, wishes, or instructions that are given. After I looked up this definition of listen, I realized that all along I haven't really been listening to Jesus and His parables. I have been comprehending them, sure. But I have not been heeding nor have I been obeying.

So tonight, I am going to start listening to Jesus instead of just hearing Him. In this way I can worship Him and glorify Him. Let's do it together! :D


FIGHTING!

The Number 23

So I just got done watching the Number 23, the movie starring Jim Carrey. I had borrowed it from a friend, and he told me it was a dark movie. I always thought it seemed interesting, which is why I wanted to watch it.

Oddly enough, my thoughts from last night match up with something I realized was within the movie that might or might not have been meant to be symbolized.

Last night I was thinking to myself in the car about how terrible we are to God. We sin and we sin and we sin and there is no end to our sinning. Some of us tell lies, some of us steal, some of us kill. Either way, a sin is a sin, and sin is death. And as I was thinking of this I felt so unworthy of His sacrifice, of Jesus Christ and the blood He shed for me. And it clicked in my head right there. That is what makes this love so incredible. The fact that Jesus knew we would sin all throughout our lives, but still He would forget our past, clean our slate, get rid of all our shame and guilt, and tell us that we are different now. That is who we were, but this is who we are now : set free from our past sins.

Onto the connection with the movie.


SPOILER****

The story is about Walter Sparrow, Jim Carrey, who is an animal control worker. On his birthday he is late to pick up his wife because he was trying to catch a dog right before his shift was over, who ended up biting his arm. By the time he went to pick up his wife, she had gone into a book store. She was reading a book that caught her eye, The Number 23, written by Topsy Kretts.(Top Secrets) After reading it she decided to buy it for her husband. So he goes on reading this book, and becomes obsessed with the number 23, he sees it everywhere. Eventually as he continues to read into the story he realizes that he needs to find the author so he can get some answers about the number 23, the book stopped abruptly at chapter 22.

Throughout the film the dog that bit him continues to pop up. Eventually he chases him down to a cemetery and shoots him with a tranquilizer gun. A priest from a nearby church comes over to see what happened, along with the dog's owner who happens to be the groundskeeper for the cemetery. Walter is obsessed with this dog; N=14 E=5 D=4 14+5+4=23. He asks the groundskeeper why he named the dog Ned. He replies it is the overseer of the dead. Whenever Ned is in the graveyard he always watches over one specific grave, Laura Hollins.(I think that's the last name) Laura Hollins was killed on her 23rd birthday according to the tombstone, and Walter starts to panic. But the priest tells him that her body was never found.




So Walter begins to investigate the murder and is trying to find out who the killer is. He is led to the man who is imprisoned and he believes that man wrote the book. But the man claims to be innocent. Walter's son found a P.O. Box number hidden within the pages. The family tracks the man down, but the man slits his throat before they can get any answers. Agatha, Walter's wife, tells him to go home with his son and that she will take care of it. The man, with his last breath, tells Agatha to go to this mental institute. She goes there and finally receives the answer to who wrote the book, Walter Sparrow.

Eventually, he finds out that it was him who murdered Laura, and realizes that after he murdered her he ran to a hotel, went into room 23, started to write a suicide note, and ended up writing the book. After trying to commit suicide he winds up in that mental institute that Agatha had gone to. He regains all mobility, but never regains his memory of his past.

Here is where the connection is made.

In this very emotional scene with Walter and Agatha, they are in the hotel room, number 23. Walter is contemplating suicide once again, and Agatha comes in. He continues to dwell on his past as a killer, and Agatha grabs a knife and hands it to him telling him to kill her. It is there where she says the line that really set off the epiphany that I had. She tells him that this book is about who he was, but now he is a different man, a loving father and husband, not a killer. He was sick back then because of his families mental instability.

He was born into the world a mentally unstable being, just as we were born into this world a sinful being. But what's in the past is in the past. We are different now, it doesn't matter if we were a killer. Jesus says that is old news. He has redeemed us from our past. That book was just the guilt and the obsession of past sins. But Jesus wants us to put that book down, and move on with our life and make things right.

So that is how my morning began, at 7:30 AM waking up to a phone call from my good friend Ray Kim at Boston College. An interesting way for me to see God's glory. I definitely suggest this movie to you, it is very interesting at the least.

Praise God!

Live a Godly Life Until His Return

I was doing my QT today, and I came upon a verse that was such an amazing visual that I feel compelled to write about. My brother James, I'm sure you know him, once said that the Bible is a love story between creator and creation. (sorry if it isn't the exact words) And I find that to be very true. There is so much love spread out throughout the entire book, and I happened to find a verse tonight that shows God's love for the faithful.

Luke 12: 35-38
35"Be dressed, ready for service, and have your lamps shining. 36 Be like servants who are waiting for their master to come home from a wedding party. When he comes and knocks, the servants immediately open the door for him. 37 They will be blessed when their master comes home, because he sees that they were watching for him. I tell you the truth, the master will dress himself to serve and tell the servants to sit at the table, and he will serve them. 38 Those servants will be happy when he comes in and finds them still waiting, even if it is midnight or later."

I read this and thought about when Jesus washes the disciples feet, another act of displaying his humility and mind-boggling love. To think that when Jesus does come back, that He would dress as a servant and serve me at His table is .... I can't even describe how wonderful that would feel. I always did think about what the disciples felt when Jesus washed their feet, down on his knees, scrubbing away the dirt of months and months of traveling on dirt roads in shabby sandals. Odd, seeing the King of kings, Lord of lords on His knees at your feet, giving you, a sinner, the royal treatment. Crazy to think about, right?

Along with that imagery, I really feel that this verse is talking to me about my inconsistency to live the "Christian" life-style. I will be doing so well for a few days, a week, a couple weeks, a month, but eventually it will just wear down on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and I become lazy. But the Bible says that Jesus will come back like a thief in the night, it will not be expected, so we must always be ready. I really feel like anyone can apply themselves to this verse and improve upon their character. So take a look at your inconsistencies as I have looked upon mine. See how we must always be a shining light for God, not just at times, but ALWAYS.

Another cool thing I read about tonight was about God's love overflowing in us. I always say this in prayers, "God let your love overflow from my heart to the hearts of others." A guy named Al Bryant wrote this : "If the love of God flows through us, we will find ourselves sharing that love with those around us, for God is love, and that love is bigger than the container, the Christian, so it must overflow. Those around us long for love,....Let us as Christians share God's love as we await the return of his Son from heaven." Cool stuff.

Let's fight the good fight! :]

Simple Stuff

Luke 12:31
Seek the Kingdom first, and everything else you need will be given to you.

As simple as that, so let's do it, yeah?

It's been a while..

So today I was thinking to myself on the ride home about my spiritual walk. I realized that it could be a lot better if I would apply myself to the word and to prayer more than I have been. In actuality, I have been concentrating on trying to lose weight and exercise more than exercising my spiritual life, and I was definitely feeling the results from the lack of His word in my life.

So today I came home and was doing my QT in this QT book Steve wanted James and me to get called "My Time With God". So today's topic was "God Seeks Those Who Follow Him Faithfully" and there was a verse from 2 Chronicles 16 that spoke to me and kinda brought me back to reality.

Verse 9 says: "The Lord searches all the earth for people who have given themselves completely to him. He wants to make them strong."

I have always wanted to be spiritually strong, or at least stronger than I am now. And I always pray to God that He would grant me this and that, but I'm never consistent with Him. I will occasionally have days or maybe even weeks where I don't do QTs regularly or pray every day. So why would He give me strength when I am not dedicated to Him when there is someone else who IS dedicated to praying and to reading the word who deserves it more than me. This has definitely been a big priority-check for me. I have been putting my image, my friends, and my own time before God, the creator of the universe.

For a second I think about it and I feel like crap. I feel guilty and shameful. But then I know that thinking like that won't get me anywhere, so instead of feeling these things I want to be driven more, and that is my prayer for tonight.


God, my prayer tonight is that I will have a burning passion to meet with you everyday. Not just get my quiet time done with and pray for things I have to pray for, but really spend intimate time with you, one on one time with you where I speak with you and you speak with me. I want to have a desire to know your word and your truth more and more. I want to be like Jesus was and study the word so intensely when I read it. Overall God I just want more passion for you, and I know that the passion will come when I continue to meet with you more and more because you will reveal more and more to me. So right now I just really need consistency. God, you are so faithful to me, and you deserve nothing but my best. Nothing but my entire life. God you will accept the sacrifice of a broken and contrite heart like it says in Psalms 51, and I want my heart to be like that. Broken but made complete in you. So thank you for all the blessings in my life. Family, friends, school, freedom to worship you, a house and food to eat, so many things I take for granted. Thank you for your grace and your mercy that is new everyday, which I also take for granted, please forgive me for that. I want a new thankfulness for all the things in my life that you have given to me. I want to worship you with every breath I take in. God I just want you. Please protect me from the enemy and his temptations and deception. God you are better than this world, and I want to live a life that exclaims that. Thank you so much. I pray all this in your son's name, Amen!

east to west

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your Truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me

Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
(The arms of your mercy I find rest)
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

The Savior v.s. The Enemy

So not many people have been posting up anything, i'm not sure if many people even check this that much anymore, but i read something today in my devotional and i just wanted to post up my thoughts so maybe i can glance back later. Help yourself if you would like to read along.


This guy, David Nasser, is talking about how Satan is the Prince of Lies, and he will do four different things : tempt, accuse, confuse, and throw obstacles at us. He does this to us to keep us from getting closer to God. The one i was really interested in was accusation. There is an excerpt that I really like and would like to share.

"Picture a court room with you on trial for committing a sin. The Father is the judge. Satan is the prosecutor, and Jesus is your defense lawyer. Satan delivers a blistering attack - with lots of evidence against you. You are guilty. No question about it. Then Jesus gets up to speak. He says, 'Yes, Judge, my client is guilty, but his penalty has already been paid. By me. In blood.' The Father smiles and nods, 'Paid in full. Case dismissed.' That's a picture of what happens every time you sin and are accused by Satan. Listen to your defender who paid your penalty. Love him for it. Thank him for it. Honor him in your lifestyle of worship."

After reading this i started to get a little pumped up. Satan has no hold on me, Jesus already died for me, and he will gladly go to court every time, hear every little thing Satan has to say against me, and once again stand up with the flawless promise of salvation, of the cleansing of my slate, of the blood that he shed not just for all of mankind, but for me personally. He knows my name, he knows all that there is to know about me, and he loves me with all of the good and bad, and that is why he died for me.

Then I was going on with my reading and was reading obstacles. Nasser was talking about Daniel and how he was praying that God would grant him wisdom and nothing happened for a week, then two, then three. Finally after three weeks the angel came and told Daniel that God heard him and sent an angel, but Satan met the angel with a demon and they were fighting for three straight weeks! Then the author goes on to say this :

"Does something so dramatic happen to you and me today? Only if we are as serious about upholding the honor of God as Daniel was. I believe that Satan doesn't give as much merit to many of us because we aren't a threat to his purposes. But if we grow strong, he will oppose us. Does that scare you? Does it make you not want to get too close to Jesus because you don't want to have to fight?"

In my head when i read those last questions i heard myself yelling out "Hell no! I wanna take Satan on with God!" Can you believe it? If we get close enough to God, if we have enough faith in him to persevere for weeks, months, years, our lifetime, then we are a threat to Satan. He knows that we are weak without God, but when we have God on our side he is deadly afraid. He will try to throw us away from God, but if we have faith and fight alongside God we will win the battle. That gets me pumped, to say that I can fight alongside God against the enemy. Maybe that is my male hormones kicking in, but i wanna kick some butt! Spiritual warfare is real people! Until you truly devote your life to the Lord you will not see it because Satan will not meet you with it, he might pose it as a joke in your mind. But when you see it you will realize this world is a battlefront, and you are fighting head to head with Satan and all of his lies for the souls that rightfully belong to God, the Father, to Jesus Christ, the Messiah. This has gotten me so pumped up, I know that there are angels fighting all around me to keep the enemy from getting into my head, God cares that much for us that he would send his angels to fight for us. How can you deny a God like that? How can you ignore a love like that? If you can't believe this stuff then you need to talk to me or talk to somebody who believes in and knows about spiritual warfare. I'm not claiming to know a lot, but I believe in it with all my heart, and I think it is an amazing part of this walk with God.


Lord, my prayer is simple tonight. May i truly know your word and stand firm by it, that the enemy cannot threaten me when you are on my side and when you are with me. God, prevent this tenacity from dying down, prevent this flame from dwindling, prevent this excitement from fading away. God i want to be on the frontlines, but first i want you to equip me with all that I need. The helmet of salvation, the sword that is your word and the only truth, God give me the strength i need to fight off the temptations, accusations, confusion, and obstacles that Satan throws at me. I cast him out in your name, Jesus, the name that heals, that cleans, that saves! He shivers at the very name, the very whisper of your name he cowers in fear. That power is in my hands when i am with you Lord. Never leave my side and i pray that i will never leave yours. God you are my fortress and my stronghold. You are the rock which i stand upon. I shall not stumble as long as i stand firmly planted on the ground you have placed under my feet, no matter what the enemy throws against me. God you are my everything, you love with an unending passion, and that love is something so comforting. But that love also has a vicious side, a side that will fight for my soul, and i want to join that side in the fight. Let me battle against all that the enemy has put in this world, and as i grow may you give me more and more strength to battle the enemy more and more. I pray for your forgiveness of all my sins today, for your love, and for your strength. Thank you Lord for the battles you have fought for me, I pray that i may start fighting from here on out.

In Jesus Christ's holy name i pray, AMEN!

the week ahead of me

So today i found out that i work monday through thursday, six and a half hours each day, usually getting home around eleven then homework and QT. Basically i will be working more than i will be sleeping each day, so i know i'm going to be tired. Because i know i'm going to be tired i know that i am going to be more vulnerable to sin. While i was doing my QT tonight i came upon this verse that i think is very true that i'm glad i came upon and i wanted to share it with whoever is reading this.

Mark 14: 38 "Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak."

It speaks much truth about our human lives, once we become tired or stressed or just over-burdened we tend to fall to the temptation of sin easier than usual, no matter how much we want to resist that sin. That is why we must keep in constant contact with God and continue to pray for strength against the temptations that may come.

Lots of prayer for this week, lots of stuff coming up on friday and saturday, i'm glad there is spring break right around the corner. I need it, and i'm sure everyone else does too.

so i was working on my senior research paper...

and i was listening to Jeremy Camp and lately i have been trying to think about why i really believe in God and all that stuff. If someone were to ask me obviously i would talk about the grace that has saved me, by the blood of Jesus Christ, and all that fantastic stuff. But people have heard that over and over again and see no change in the people that say that. And in the song the lyrics played out of the speakers and over again in my head, "your voice has shown my purpose in this world". and that is so true, because there would be no reason that this world would give me a heart that yearns to be selfless, that longs to give up for the better of others. If God was not prevalent in my life i would be really really selfish. God has really given me insight, along with His word, about how being last really is being first. Being below others and putting others before myself really does bring me a joy and peace that cannot be explained by the world.

Just a bit of self reflection, i am trying to work on being introspective right now. :]

reminiscing

So I've had a rough past couple days. I have had a stomach virus, and just felt crappy on many different fronts. After resting all day, working a little bit on my senior project, I started to look over some of my old documents and I came across this one. I guess I have been struggling and reading this kinda picked me up, so I'm just gonna post it for fun. Hope you enjoy it. :]


Four Year Old Giovany Teaches a Lesson
The day I woke up from having the worst 3 hours of sleep I did not expect to have a great day. I also did not expect to learn about love from a four year old kid I couldn't communicate with.
I had a crick in my neck from sleeping on the chairs at church, and a sore throat from sleeping with my mouth open. The van ride wasn't that great either, I sat next to Stacy, who I was afraid of by the way. Everyone else got to sleep on the vans, but I had a seat on the far right so I would always fall off the edge if I tried to sleep.
So by the time we arrived at Saddleback Church I thought to myself, "God, is missions really the thing for me?". About two or three weeks before today I had signed myself up for Mexico Missions, and every Sunday I had to go to church to be briefed on how it was going to work and to get my weekly Spanish lessons. (By the way, I suck at Spanish).
Now we were departing from Saddleback and we were really going to Mexico, "No turning back now," I told myself. I had never been to Mexico, let alone another country. So I was curious as to what another country looked like. But once I saw the conditions I wished I was back home.
The orphanage we were going to was located in Tijuana. We passed by an area with bunkers and soldiers standing around with loaded machine guns. I really started wondering if missions was right for me.
By the time we got there I started becoming more optimistic. I felt a little more energized, and now that I was off the van of people I didn't know very well I could talk and hang out with my friends. The orphanage looked pretty nice. The people there were great people, taking in orphans who had been abandoned by the parents or whose parents had died from the conditions down in Tijuana.
Then we saw all the children playing and running around. Of course all the girls went and found the youngest and cutest kids to go play with. I was in the group that had the second youngest kids, ages three to six. My kid was an energetic little boy named Giovany. Some of the girls were jealous and tried to take him from he, he was darn cute.
But like I said before, this kid was pretty energetic. He was tough to keep in one spot for a period of time. During worship, we were supposed to sing and dance with our kids, but Giovany wanted to sing and move through the whole group. Once I tagged him down in one spot, he wanted to go up. Since he was just a four year old I decided putting him on my shoulders wouldn't be too much of a task. But when it was 95 degrees, and there were over 60 people cramped in that room I started sweating like a madman.
While I was singing praise songs in Spanish and dancing around dripping sweat I couldn't help but notice how happy all the children were. They were so eager to praise God. Giovany too, he was clapping his hands and using my head as a drum for beats, just having a great time during worship.
After worship was lunch, the cheeseburgers were pretty good. Then we had to do an activity with our kid, based on the age group. Giovany's group was making bracelets with the words "Jesus me amo". We made our bracelets pretty quickly, because he didn't want to just sit there. So when we finished I asked Angie Teacher if we could go play. So when she said yes he got so excited and grabbed my hand and just started pulling me somewhere.
I hadn't looked around the orphanage, so I had no idea where he was taking me. Once we got there I saw a little playground in a big sandbox. I figured a kid with his energy would've wanted to run and jump around on the playground and go on the slides and stuff. But he went straight for the swings, and asked me to push him.
So I did.
We were the only partners who weren't doing the activity with our groups, there was nobody outside around us barring a couple people passing by to use the bathrooms.
While I was pushing Giovany I started thinking about the conditions that these children were living in. The poverty around them, the corrupt government they had no idea about, the lack of parents. Yet still, they continued to praise God with their every action. I started to think about this feeling I had now for Giovany, and noticed he started repeating something to me.
"Mas rapido! Mas rapido!".
I figured that meant faster, so I pushed harder. He was really enjoying himself on the swings, he must have been on the swings for a good half hour and maybe even longer. Surprisingly he taught me so much in that short period of time, and he didn't even speak a single lick of English. I hardly understood anything he was saying in Spanish.
But he was speaking a language that almost everyone knows. He was speaking with the language of love.
Giovany taught me that love cannot be contained. He told me that no barriers can hold in love, not different languages, not poverty, nothing.
He told me that love conquers all.

sleepy readings

It's already thursday, almost friday. this week passed by so fast, I'm starting to fall into routine again. That is no good. I continue to push off things that are important, I continue to not have deep intimacy in my QTs, although God was gracious enough to speak to me tonight, but still I feel that I am lacking in my passion for Him.

Anyway, I was reading tonight and I was reading about another miracle that Jesus performs in Mark 7, and like always when Jesus performs his miracle he tells the people or the person or whoever to not speak of the miracle, to not speak about his healing powers. Even though he tells them to do this they still talk about it "but the more he told them not to, the more they spread the news, for they were completely amazed. Again and again they said, "Everything he does is wonderful. He even heals those who are deaf and mute." "(Mark 7:36)

These people, even though they are told specifically not to speak about what they saw, they do it anyway. Because they are amazed, and this amazes me. Because I have experienced Jesus in my life, I have seen him perform miracles in my life, right before my eyes. (If you care to ask I might tell you) God has done all these amazing things in my life, and on the contrary to what Jesus says to the people He has told me to spread his word, God has called us to be his body, Jesus called us to the Great Commission. He called us to make disciples of the nations, to baptize in the name of the trinity, and to teach them to obey. He has called us to speak about the great things he has done in our lives. Yet we do not. Yet I do not. Yet I am bound by fear, fear that I have said does not live in me, fear that God is trying to cast out of my life. It just kinda prodded at me the fact that the people of Jesus' time would always speak of him against his will, and I do the opposite, we do the opposite.

I'm really tired God. I am tired of school, tired of work, tired of drama, just tired of everything that the enemy throws at me. God I want more intimacy with you, I want more passion, I want a fire that burns so deep that it may not be extinguished, that it may not be blown out. That forever my heart will have a light, and it is you. God I pray that you will stir something inside of my heart, something to get me really going in my faith, something to get me going when it comes to my life at school. I want to be more of a light while I'm at school. Another four months and I may never see some of these people ever again, some of the people who I know your heart longs for because my heart longs for them to know you too. God give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom. Give me your strength, your courage, your wisdom. Lord I want to know you more, I want to hear you more, and I want to see what you have in store for your people, Lord I want you to speak to me, to show me signs of any kind. Even though this is a tired prayer I can say that I am satisfied in all that you have done for me and all that you have blessed me with. I may be struck down, but I am not destroyed! You are my rock, my shepherd, my salvation. Thank you so much God.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

march 11

Today was freaking awesome.
Seriously, God is alive, and He is moving.
Talking today with people I see that God is being represented in a great way and seeing how God is moving in those people gives me a hope for mankind. Hope, it is truly found in Him. Praise God.

Thanks to you three people who I spoke with today, my heart is truly excited for the things that God has in store for you and for us together. :]

Random Thoughts QT :DDDDDD

So today I was reading Mark chapters 1 and 2 and I was thinking about four things, all somewhat different, some random, some out of honest curiosity.

First : I decided to highlight the reactions of the disciples after Jesus calls out to them, because when you look at it every time Jesus would tell someone to be his disciple they instantly got up and followed him. I was thinking today about the difference between the ministry you are called to and the exact calling that you hear. In the book I was reading it says the ministry is due to loyalty, and the ministry is to feed God's sheep. But the call is the opportunity, the call is when you see someone sitting alone at lunch and you know you should talk to them, the call is when you see someone being picked on by a few classmates, the call is when you feel the Holy Spirit tugging at you to do something that the world would normally look down upon. Disciples are quick in their following of Jesus, we should be similar.

Second : Why is it that Jesus is so effective? Obviously he is the son of God, and he is the Messiah, yes, I know this. But when I read about the miracles he performs, and in particular I am speaking of when he casts out his first demon in Mark chapter 1 while in the synagogue, he is not afraid at all. There is no ounce of fear within him while he is performing his ministry. And I try to think about the reasons I am afraid to do what I know I should do. It is because I will look dumb to other people if I do it, it is because I am afraid of them saying that they don't want to talk to me, it is because I don't want to be called a "Jesus Freak" at my school by my peers, blah blah. It seems like we have such little confidence in God when we are called to do something, we are more focused on what other people will say or think of us if we do it, we don't focus on who God says we are. We don't focus on what Jesus commissioned us to do. Maybe we should.

Third : Why doesn't the Bible say that nagging is a sin? My mom comes in while I am doing my QT and she asks about what the check had to be made out to, then she tells me she is going to go to bed, then she asks me when I am going to clean my room, then she says that is not the right answer and asks me again, then she asks "What is in there?" while pointing to my Bible that I was ever-so-entangled in before she came into the room and decided to bother me during my personal time. God, why do you not frown upon nagging like it is murder? Nagging is like murdering my patience and my happiness, it hurts more than my flesh, it wounds my soul. Why God, why?

Fourth : I was so completely loving the rant I posted for my third thought that I forgot what my fourth thought was. Wow, that stinks..oh yes, I remember! I was reading Mark 2 : 27-28 and it kinda confuses me, or I guess it is just something that I have never heard or known.
Mark 2 : 27-28 "Then he said to them, 'The Sabbath was made to benefit people, and not people to benefit the Sabbath. And I, the Son of Man, am master even of the Sabbath!"
Sabbath was made to benefit us? I thought we were supposed to praise God for the blessings he has given us, for being almighty and powerful, for being merciful and graceful, for being compassionate and kind, stuff like that. But it was made to benefit us? Maybe I will ask Joanne JDSN about this verse. Maybe I am just way behind on Sabbath 101 stuff, who knows? It is just something new to me so I am interested in finding out exactly what it means, hopefully Joanne JDSN knows.


So there is a little peek on what goes on in my head while I read the Bible, quite interesting, I know..
Hopefully I can read the Bible with whoever may be reading this blog right now!
I wonder if anyone actually reads these anymore anyway..
Mine always seem to be some kind of a rant, I wonder if anyone is entertained by reading my ranting.
I enjoy being random and honest, I believe people are more pleased with that, nobody wants to read something so deep that they have to read that one sentence twenty times just to realize what it meant. Just kidding, I do! That's why I like reading Ray's and James' and Jacob's blogs! xD
Just kidding, you guys aren't really that deep, maybe Ray just because he is so damn intellectual. Anyway I suppose I should be done for the night. I got lots of peeps I should pray for tonight, yeah.. tell me if you need prayer, I would be glad to write your name on a post-it and stick it to my computer so I can remember to pray for you about whatever it may be. Whether it is that you like to skin people in your free time and you want to be cleansed of your sin, or whether you just want to know God more, it's all good with me. I am not the judge, but He is. He is the loving judge if there is such a thing, not in this world because He is not of this world. Ha ha ha, he he he, ho ho ho. Okay, I'm tired, I need to stop ranting, byebye. :D

2/17/09 QT

Matthew 19 : 23-26
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to get into the Kingdom of Heaven. I say it again - it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!' The disciples were astounded.'Then who in the world can be saved?' they asked. Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'"

Today I wasn't really feeling that well when I woke up in the morning, so I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. I still had some work to catch up on and figured it would be best if I rested and finished up that work. So while I was at home I found it very hard to get myself out of bed or off of the couch to start doing the work and chores I needed to do. I could not muster up enough motivation to get up and do the things I was supposed to do for my mom while I was at home. After taking a good 2 hour nap after sleeping a good 13 hours the night before I eventually got to finishing up some homework and doing the work my mom needed me to do.

This got me thinking about the human mind, and how a lot of us, including me especially, really need a nudge or a push of some sort to get us up and get us moving or headed in the right direction. Sometimes we try to stay away from the work that needs to be done, or we will head into the wrong direction, knowingly or unknowingly. I tended to do both of those today during my sick day. I didn't have the energy or the will to really wake up and do what I needed to do, and I was diving head first into sin knowing exactly what I was doing.

Reading this verse today made me realize how true it is, I was recently speaking with someone briefly about human depravity and how we do all these wrong things because that's just who we are and what we made ourselves into by sinning. This is also why it is impossible for a man to get into the Kingdom of Heaven by his own humanly powers, it is just impossible. Simple as that. We need God though, we need his grace, we need his strength, his mercy, his love and compassion, and his son, Jesus Christ. His son who was slain for our sins, and is slain every single time that we continue to sin against our father, our creator, and our lover.

Knowing how sinful and disgusting my heart truly is I am in utter amazement that God still loves me and still wants me more and more every day. I see the things that I do and hear the things that I say and the things that I think and I can't come to comprehension about why God is so crazy about me. I guess when I have a child of my own I will understand that to a lesser extent. But he feels that for each and every one of us and he gave us the opportunity to enter his kingdom even though we are sinful by nature. He built a bridge between the gap from us to Him. And every second that I live I further prove how unworthy I am of that bridge, but that is where I am so thankful for God's kindness, mercy, and never-ending grace. Every second that I see my own sins against God's people, against myself, and against Him I feel a genuine guilt because of it and ask for his mercy to once again wash away my filthy stains. And He keeps his promise, He is always faithful to me.

Thank you God for always being faithful to the filthy sinner you call worthy of your love. Through that love I am no longer a filthy sinner, but I am your son whom you adore. I yearn to adore you more and more and to serve you more and more.

In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

It has been a while..

I just wanted to put up one of my journal entries and a verse I read today.

Matthew 10:39
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it.


I need to live this out dangit!

Please bear with my journal entry, I wrote it while I was half asleep, so it might not make sense but it did to me.

"I seriously need to realize that I have to learn to love God unconditionally before I can love a woman unconditionally, even though God is not tangible it is easier with God because you know for sure that God loves you, you knows for sure everything He has done for you, and you know that He will never ever fail you. Girls, on the other hand, will sometimes not love you, won't show their love or affection or anything, and sometimes, not all the time, they will fail you. Maybe they will cheat on you. Or maybe they will fight with you or get mad at you for no apparent reason. Or maybe they will get mad at you for a good reason because you screwed up somehow. Still, God is the easier one to love because He is perfect in every tiny detail. Perfect is not even good enough to describe His flawlessness. Then, even with how easy God is to love it is still a very difficult thing to continue to do. Our bodies will stray away, along with our minds and our hearts, at the sight of any temptation that seems better than what we have at the time, or looks like it will make us feel better than we are feeling at that exact moment. It becomes easier to fail in loving God because we tend to take advantage of His never ending love. We tend to take advantage of His grace and His son."

As you can see I am going through some issues with love right now.
If you could keep me in your prayers that would be wonderfully appreciated.

Goodnight! :]

QT Philippians 3

So today was the first day back at school. It was tough getting up and trying to get ready for school, I almost fell asleep while in the shower. That could've ended up badly. But I strained through it and I got here, and I'm still alive so yay. I realize now how easy it was to be close to God over the break because I was almost always at church or with church people 24/7 and there was nothing to do except have fun. But today I had to come home to responsibilities, making up past tests online, homework, and my job.

I was feeling tired so I decided to take a nap, which ended up being 3 and a half hours long. I woke up even more tired than when I went to sleep. I didn't want to stay up to do my homework, to do my QT, or to even eat my dinner. But I knew that I had to stay persistent, that was basically one of the main things God spoke to me while I was up at retreat. So I ate some dinner, worked on my homework, took my makeup tests online, and finally whipped out my Bible.

I had fallen today to sin, and I wanted advice in my life. Whenever I think about receiving advice from the Bible I always think of Proverbs, the Gospel, and the letters that Paul wrote. I decided that I was too tired to try and dig deep into the parables of Jesus, and I didn't feel like clawing through the Old Testament tonight, so I decided to go with a letter from Paul. But which one should I open up to? My hands chose Philippians.

Which chapter had I chosen? Since I had fallen to sin the first chapter I had glanced at was the one that says a Christlike Attitude. I figured that chapter would have been a good place to start. Right before I was about to start Joanne JDSN messaged me on Facebook, so I thought it might be important so I looked at it. She was just asking about my first day back, so I responded and quickly turned back. Before I started reading I decided to look at the other chapter that started on the same page I was on. It read "Know Him". For some reason this drew me towards it so much more rather than the other chapter, so I decided to read Philippians 3 instead.

At first Paul was talking about being circumcised when he was eight days old, and being born into a pure blooded Jewish family, and being part of the Pharisees, and I started second guessing my choice of chapters. But I continued to read on and eventually the chapter began to make sense to me.

Philippians 3 : 7-9 ; "I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith."

Being right with God doesn't matter on how many rules I did or didn't follow, but it matters based on the fact of my faith and how much I know Christ, my Savior. I was talking with James on Sunday about how some people can't completely understand everything that Jesus did for them on the cross. It is a hard concept to grasp, I admit. A shaggy man thousands of years ago being tortured and crucified on a cross for the entire world's sins and the sins of billions of people to come. The act of walking into betrayal because he knew that there was no other way that it could be done. Suffering while dying slowly on the cross even though Jesus had the power and the authority to call off the entire thing with even his slightest whim. But he didn't, he did it for love, he did it for us, he did it for me. Then all I have to do is get to know him, believe in him, and he will erase the record of all my filthy sins? Believe it people, it is that great of a proposition. Along with believing in him, getting to know him and his father, our God, I understand now that I will be blessed even while living on this earth. I understand that he will bless me when I return home to Heaven, but if I live for him while on this planet, if I devote my life and my blessings to go back to him then he will use me, he will tend to his lost sheep through my life. People who don't know him or may have denied him or may be so indifferent to him will be able to know him if I would just know him and let him live through me.

I want to dedicate my life to the Lord. All my blessings that I have received, all the joy and grace and mercy I have received does not belong to me, I want to be a channel for those blessings to flow out from. I want to be used by God, I want to be a tool which He could use to search for his lost sheep. I want to devote all my talents, everything that I have received from God, and all my gains to the better of His kingdom. I make that my prayer tonight. That God will use me and I will not be able to stifle the blessings with my own stubbornness or my own will, but that my will is the same will of God, that my eyes will be the same as his eyes, that I will reach out to the same people as Jesus would, that my feet would move in the same direction as Christ's would. That I may understand that everything else is worthless, that the only thing worthwhile is knowing God and living for Him.